Friday, October 8, 2010

Silence and Solitude

This week I have been sinking into a sense of panic and rush to find employment or a solution to provide rest from our worsening financial burdens. While I value being active in this pursuit, it is easy to become frantic and tired and confused. What I desire is a calmer inner state of soul! I desire something like an underground river that refreshes a tree's roots regardless of what is going on around it. I understand that this nourishing river comes only from the source, who is God, but I am distracted with important concerns.

Today I was encouraged to find courage to seek familiarity with God and myself as I am, right now. I was encouraged to step into silence and solitude to allow myself to attend to my frayed inner state. It is easier to present to God and to myself how I think I should be or how the best version of myself would handle these situations. It is also easier keep busy and to strive, making impulsive solutions.

I believe it takes courage to honestly attend to our inner states. I believe it takes courage to attend to the presence, provision and love of God. It is hard to trust. It is easier to run headlong with eyes looking mainly at dangers or with eyes closed altogether.

Solitude and silence. Time to become reacquainted with God and myself. I believe this will plant me in the river that will sustain me today.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

If "a day is like a thousand years", then even a minute must mean something.

Today I have been wondering how to find and keep focus as an artist. How do I honour my work along side the needs of our day to day living? How do I keep developing my skills while accepting the current need to find outside employment? Most of my time this month has been devoted to the later, and it is tempting to dwell on how little has been created. I sometimes fear that I need to chose one or the other, and I lament over all that I don't seem to be creating. Discouragement sets in easily lately.

I've been so tired from taxes, job hunting and ultimately fear over provisions that any efforts toward art making seems tertiary at best. But voices of encouragement have been breaking in. Thank you friends and family who have noticed what I seem to forget. That somehow work has squeezed it's way in. There have been finished pieces, and there have been creative ideas and visioning for this vocation, and even small moments where trust replaces fear. They have been small moments, but little miracles a friend encouraged me. As a thousand years is like a day, and a day like a thousand years to God, these moments mean more than I have given them credit. Trusting for a minute is still trusting.

Artwork and life realities cannot be divorced from each other. My prayer is that I can see the art that squeezes it's way in (be it in or out of the studio), no matter how small.